What to Say

I hoped and prayed the time would come
That I could say what I want to say
It is not easy to tell of this that was done
No it was not easy in anyway
I did what I did to keep from causing troubles
I thought about it for so many days
All the hate and discontent that it would bring
It would have happened either way
So I chose this bad thing over the other
And hoped I could make it right someday
I knew that it would haunt me
Yet I lived with it every day
It was what I promised after all
Something I regret in every way
I saw you once when you were little
I remember it to this very day
Yes it was so hard to see you go
But I turned away
I made the choice the die was cast
Even though it hurt me more everyday
It may have gotten easier
But the pain never went away
I longed to hold and care for you
I could not help but think of you every day
I wondered if somewhere you needed me
I hoped that I could tell you someday
Words escape me every time I think of it
Could I ever make it right by what I would say?
Just how do you tell of things that need telling?
Especially as time slips by more everyday
I can only hope for your understanding
I never once thought of what you might say
Perhaps even reject me before it was all said
Hopefully it will not be that way
I always hoped that when the time was right
I would know just what to say
That day may grow closer and yet may come
But still I know not what to say
One can only hope that you will forgive me
That is all that I can pray
No matter what you do or how you react
Know that I have loved you each and everyday